The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. We were a tough group. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Why Do We Celebrate It? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Why? I asked. He needed COVER! This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Fish Food. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Auld Lang Slice Semper Pie He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? 13:30 comes and goes. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Decodes 7. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Marine: Wait, stop. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. 36. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. He finally comes dragging in at. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". What do hungry Marines eat? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. with someone braver than you.'. Louis, I grumbled. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. We recommend our users to update the browser. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. She told me she warships them. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. 11. We are directly under the moon.. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Proceed at your own risk. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. But I had the last laugh. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. 49. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Do you have change for a dollar? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. 3. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. 27. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Dont think so? The Army will post guards around the building. 32. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Rodrigues there? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. 1. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? 65. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? What does ARMY mean to you? And )second Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. The tenant shook her head. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Theyre U.S. AF! Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Reply: No, I say again. They cant seem to string three Ws together. More information More like this A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. The INFANTry! What is a Soldiers least favorite month? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. (Hang up. 28. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Military jokes! No, we dont, she said. 43. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Long Haul I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. you cant do both. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. March forth! Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? 1. It was PRIVATE. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. I was very nervous, she said. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. SUB sandwiches! The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. 14. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Air Traffic Control 6. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Aircraft Engineers 1. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Divert your course NOW! After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. You can see why: You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? 12. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Ocean Pearl, I answered. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. 9. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Read more. ! My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. 39. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Yes, said the lieutenant. 15. 4. 10. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Marines Say OOOOORAH! If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Co-Pilot: What?!. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". 3. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. We were a tough group. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Its not weak, he replied. What happened Sergeant? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Dad got quiet. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Caller: Sgt. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. August 15, 2021. Attention! Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Why were the Marines invented? Me: Hello? How tough? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Only one. 41. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. He then made his way to my side. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Did you make it all by yourself? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Airmens mess, sir.. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Caller: Is Sgt. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Caller: Do you have his right number? Officer: Soldier. A Recruiter Misled You. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas.

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